A healthy family and a healthy community foster relationships of trust. It all turns on affection. Children, like all of us, go through the process of attachment, separation, and loss.  If a human being experiences too much loss, especially at an early age, that person will generally find it more difficult to create a family based upon relationships of trust when s/he reaches adulthood.  Psychologists call this “attachment disorder,” and this disorder manifests as a life script that is characterized as “aloof” (the child makes a decision, early in life, that the adults in his/her family are not dependable, competent and trustworthy; s/he avoids attachment), or the life script is characterized as “needy/manipulative” (the child has fears related to past experiences of abandonment and engages in immature behaviors designed to assure abandonment won’t happen again). Both scripts can operate in a person.

It is the responsibility of legislators who reform the family court system to write laws and design policies that minimize the child’s experience of separation and loss.

In the civil jurisdiction, there are no crimes against children.  Cases involving crimes against children should be referred to the criminal jurisdiction.  The REAL crime against children in the family court is to unnecessarily subject the parents to a stressful and adversarial style of communication that destroys quality parenting. Here’s what a reformed family court system would sound like:

One or both parents could initiate a hearing in the family court to establish a co-parenting contract.  Both parents would receive:

Notice of Hearing to Establish a Co-Parenting Contract. 

1. This Family Court exists in the civil jurisdiction, and a hearing will be held at (time) on (date) at (location) to establish a contract for co-parenting your children whose names are _____________.
2. If you indicate by checking any of the boxes below and returning this notice to the Clerk of the Family Court, that your case involves crimes against children, your case will be referred to the criminal jurisdiction. __Murder, __Kidnapping, __Physical abuse, __Sexual abuse, __Emotional abuse (bullying, shaming and humiliation), __Trafficking in drugs and/or prostitution, __Neglect, __Abandonment, __Child restraint, __Other.
3. In this civil jurisdiction, both parents are guaranteed equal protection under the law.  That means you both have the right to spend equal time parenting your children.  You are free to create a co-parenting contract that does NOT involve equal time.  Please understand that “quality time” cannot be orchestrated.  It occurs spontaneously in the midst of large quantities of time during which parents are not stressed by adversarial styles of communication.  This court is not here to create stress in your life; it is bound by law to guarantee an equal-time co-parenting schedule or some other schedule that the two of you can agree to keep.  You may modify this schedule from time to time, provided you both agree to it.  Simply file your modification with the Clerk of the Family Court.
4. This Family Court cannot force you to become a debtor without your willing consent through signature on an instrument of debt.  This Court does not create child support debts, alimony debts, or dictate changes in ownership of property or real estate.
5. You are required to keep a log of time spent parenting your children in the period of time from receipt of this notice until the day of the hearing.  You will also be required to maintain such a parenting log after you have signed a co-parenting contract that includes a schedule. 

Please answer the following questions:

Which one of you parents is most willing and best able to offer the children fair and equal access to both parents?

When the children are in your care, how will you insure that they have full and free communication with the other parent?  At events like a birthday party in your home?  At community events like a basketball game that offer face-to-face physical contact and communication? Email or cell phone/texting? Skype? Letters and art work? Fax? Other? Be as detailed and specific as you can.